At 30 years old, Kierin is a solution architect specialising in Salesforce within Cloud Computing. He was Queensland born and raised but a Sydney local for the past 12 years. When not at work, he spends his time playing his guitar, reading, spending quality time with his German Sheppard-Staffi at the park or frequenting music gigs with his partner. This is Kierin’s story of finding the right support that worked for him.

My journey to support started in 2013 when I lost a friend to suicide. At the time, I was dealing with my own suicidal ideation that had stemmed from abandonment trauma within my childhood. Having grown up watching my mother suffer from schizophrenia and losing her to this illness she had to leave me at the age of three, the pain of this abandonment surfaced when I was about seventeen. I couldn’t escape the thoughts in my head and I didn’t believe I could trust anyone if I were to speak up. But losing my mate to suicide was the wake-up call I needed to ensure I didn’t go down the same pathway.

I jumped on the internet and found a free therapy service initially and after a year with them, I transitioned into paid therapy with a therapist who became a loving mentor in my life over the course of a now decade-long therapeutic relationship. The best thing I gained from this support was a full rewrite of my perspective of the world and my beliefs. I developed an awareness of the love that surrounded me, love I had been unable to receive because of my closed-off nature stemming from trauma. I came to the realisation that my brothers and dad had always been there for me when I needed them.

I credit much of my recovery to the support of those around me. Friends, family, and colleagues held space for me to be vulnerable, allowing me to realise I wasn’t alone. My brothers and father have been pillars of strength, and my openness at work brought a surprising wave of support from my colleagues. These relationships and professional support have been critical for me. Having recently lost my mum, I feel well. My learnings over the years have provided me with the tools I need to deal with the grief. Instead of feeling stuck, I can see a pathway forward.

For those considering seeking help, I recommend treating it like dating—it isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach and trusting your gut is crucial. My journey from suicidal ideation to where I am today with a great career and happy life shows the benefit seeking help can make. I can now show self-compassion, particularly when reflecting on traumatic events that I previously downplayed or misunderstood. Where previously I couldn’t escape the thoughts in my mind, there is now only silence.

I now use my experiences to help others, sharing my story with the youth mental health organization, Batyr, volunteering on the Digital Advisory Board of Too Good Co and running my own blog, linked here.